My job as a Product Manager, involves arguments: endless, tiring, and mostly fruitless.
Arguments over features, priorities, design, revenue validation and anything under the sun.
It gets worse when I argue over Slack groups, whatsapp, social media or even at home.
Basically, it never works. Sometimes I win, more frequently I lose. Most times, It was humiliating.
That “humiliation” made me think – thats not a logical problem? Thats more of a ego and identity problem? Isn’t it?
That realisation, helped me understand first about myself, and then about others: I am not arguing about an Idea, I am defending an identity. What I argue about is me – not an idea I have.
Illusion- You are trying to control what’s not yours.
Many of us believe that if we present enough facts or make a stronger argument, we can change another person’s mind. People rarely change because they were defeated in a debate. They change only when they are ready to reflect, question their beliefs, and grow.
When a person’s identity and opinion are under attack – their minds are closed – they become defensive. Changing perspectives is no where in sight. More logic you throw – more resistance appears.
You are trying to control whats not yours. Correcting others rarely helps them.
So where do we have control?
The only thing we can control is ourselves. We can improve our character, refine our thinking, listen more carefully, and remain open to feedback.
Even with best intentions correcting others usually fails. they may even listen to you, but will have the same argument again.
Instead of asking – “How can I be right?” or “How can I prove other person wrong?” a better question to ask is : “What can I learn from this conversation?”
This shift transforms disagreements into growth. But that’s just winning the battle, not the war.
How do you win?
Changing ourselves and channelling that energy has greater influence on others.
Calmness, humility, and consistent actions speak more loudly than endless debates. People are more likely to reconsider their views when they feel respected rather than defeated.
The real payoff
Understanding is only the beginning, from here we can:
- Invest our time convincing people.
- Or invest our time building something with what we know.
In Sanskrit theres a saying –
प्रत्यक्षं किं प्रमाणम्? (Pratyaksham Kim Pramanam)
Things which are self-evident need no proof.
All opinions collapse, with a proof in hand.